Impression Obsession: Colors of Fall

I know...it looks like my kid's art project, right?

BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG! WRONG, I TELL YOU!

Look, I love the colors and trees and the adorable baby deer. I'm TRYING to get back into the groove of creating more than CASEing and it's baby steps, people! Baby steps!

Here's another entry for IO's Colors of Fall challenge and since the random generator keeps randomly generating everyone's name but MINE, perhaps this will be MY time!

Or at least it can serve as my 9-year-old's art project that's due next week. Either/or.

I started by using Kittie Caracciolo's cloud template and the ink I used was too dark. So, I used Tim Holtz picket fence paint to wash it down. I also hand colored the 'grass' and deer with inks and pencils. The bare branch served as my tree and I ran the leafy branch through the ol' big shot in varying colors of fall and cut the leaves off; some single and some groups. After that, it was just me and my glossy accents and iridescent yellow embossing powder for the sun. Short, sweet and simply. I love fall.

IO dies used:
Bare Branch Die Set

Leafy Branch Die

Deer Trio

Impression Obsession: Things That Fly!

I have to blame this on Mama Dini! I adore her new line and have ordered several of her sayings. The rodeo ones are next!!

I tried to find an uncommon use for my IO snowflakes. I LOVE to glitter *&^& up so I made myself take a different tactic. Snowflakes fly. Check. But snowflakes made of actual cherry wood? That's right!

I used wood print bronzed paper in the back, followed by random dp. Then, actual self-adhesive cork, followed by a distressed piece of paper and the three IO snowflakes, cut from Mixed Media 101 ultra thin cherry wood sheets. I stained the edges, then used a lighter stain in the middle. I added some brads and really wanted to write WANTED on the bottom, but no stamp and my handwriting was horrible. My cards take forever due to a herniated disc that makes my hands go numb. But, being a 'glass half-full' kinda girl, I see it as being one-up on those papercuts.

Fingers crossed the random generator picks me...I got some dkdesigns to buy!

I'm too sexy for this post....

I am ABSOLUTELY astonished!

I just checked the date of my last post and can't believe it has been almost 2 MONTHS since I even tried to entertain you! I communicated more with ex-husbands than I did with all of you! Of course, those communiques were filled with vitriol and threats and obscenities, but good Lord, at least it was something!

Sidebar: By 'all of you', I mean the 13 users who read my last post: My brother and 4 friends (all of whom knew there would a pop quiz), and the guy who thought this was a porn site.

Wow. The possibilities are endless when you include 'goddess' in your web address.

I don't know who the rest are. I like to thing that they look to me to learn. Perhaps they appreciate my sense of humor, or my 'from the heart' attempts to create beautiful things.

In truth, I sense that my hopes are the antithesis of who those 'others' truly are. They are lurkers and they're everywhere there is tragedy. They are the people who love to laugh at others angst and misery; who revel in failed attempts and crisis of the less fortunate. Those who check this blog on occasion, hoping to see that which make others wince and turn their heads in sympathy.

Yes, Virginia....I'm sorry to say there IS a breed of people who check on this blog and pray to see me enveloped in chaos. Whether it be another 'stickles in the eye' moment or 'hair caught in the paper crimper' fracas would matter not at all.

And I simply can't bear to tell you what thrill it would bring to the scum who troll the net for all kinds of filth. Yes, I'm talking about those who would think of me in ways that should bring about maximum punishment; those that wish to see me suffering the aforementioned agony while dressed in my slinkiest, sexiest and most revealing sleepwear.

Or nothing at all.

Hey! Wait! What do you mean you'd rather not see me in nightwear! What about the 'nothing'? What do you mean you'd rather I stickle your eyes shut, in that event? Wait....come baaaaaack!!!




And now, for the cards! Everyone has a 'rock-star' they want to be like. When I was 16, it was Madonna. At 45, it's Kittie. 

I was browsing the galleries at splitcoaststampers.com., looking for my next CASE project, when I saw this Christmas Card that blew me away. I simply couldn't believe what I was seeing, but I knew then and there that I was going to CASE that sucker if it killed me! Since I only began this stamping and papercraft stuff last December, suffice it to say I had a lot of material to buy and a lot of budget items to embezzle from if I was gonna make it happen. 

As I was waiting on the 'few items' to arrive, I waded through Kittie's blog and she became my 'rock-star'. See, in papercrafting,, there are a lot of 'moving parts'. There are those who specialize in inks and copics, or mixed media, or vintage tags and cards, etc. I adore dies and papercrafting. It's the one area I would love to be an expert in and that 'expert' would look like THIS! 

I wrote to Kittie a few times with questions and she wrote me back immediately! I certainly didn't have that kind of response from Madonna! I promised Kittie I wouldn't stalk her...too much. I've tried to keep that promise. I've been working my a** off, learning how to make her windows, tie bows, create her roses out of paper, etc. and haven't taken the time to update this blog to proudly show what I've accomplished. I feel it's important that YOU know that YOU are as capable of creating beautiful things as I am and that Kittie knows how appreciative I am of her work and the time she spends showing people like me and you that we have value as artists. 

I have met the most amazing people and learned so much over the past 9 months. I honestly can't believe how good a group of people can be and how generous they are. Thank you, Kittie, for being so incredibly generous. I'm glad you know that my CASE'ing is done as a challenge for me and a tribute to you. You are truly my 'rock-star'!!
 

It's a **BLEEP** Day for a **BLEEPING** Wedding so **BLEEP** YOU, BUDDY!

Lately, I've been on a CASE (Copy and share/steal everything-complete explanation and rules in my previous entry) spree.

I go through stages with this hobby. I'll spend weeks CASE'ing things I love, then return to creating my own stuff. I feel it's mostly due to a desire to focus on learning techniques; like using a brayer, complex layering, alternate uses for tools, and learning how NOT to operate a hot glue gun.

If I have to be totally honest, though, most of my 'mastering techniques' stage mainly involves learning to prevent myself from injuring ME, as opposed to actually mastering anything. For instance, there are a ton of sharp tools used in paper crafting. The first technique I actually mastered was in keeping a First Aid kit handy and staying current on my tetanus shots. I also learned a valuable lesson about never touching myself above the neck while crafting, in what turned into a life and death emergency near the beginning of this hobby, and which almost rendered me sightless. Fortunately, I received help in the nick of time. My husband was beside himself and worried sick until he was sure I was going to pull through. Like men tend to do, however, he deals with the terror he experienced by trying to inject humor in the retelling of it. Which is probably why he refers to that dark time as the "1500 dollar ER visit to pry my wife's eyes open she'd somehow managed to glue shut using something called Stickles during the Master's Golf Tournament tragedy".

But this was different. I'd spent six weeks purchasing the materials I would need, finding the perfect designer paper and learning how to roll paper roses for my most ambitious project to date. I'd wanted to CASE this card for months and I finally felt I was ready.

It took two days. This project was so intense that I actually had to purchase a hot glue gun and...in what was a first...LEARN TO USE THE DAMN THING THE SAME DAY!

I sweated and cursed and double-checked myself. I ended up having to roll 27 roses to get 3 that were right. MY CHILDREN HAD TO EAT FAST FOOD FOR EVERY MEAL BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY TO COOK FOR THEM!

Wait...that last part is pretty much how it happens at my house all the time. Sorry. I get carried away sometimes.

When the last rose had been hot glued into place and I was wrapping the last bandage around my third degree burns, I took a moment to imagine my husband's pride in my skill and dedication.

See, he'd been on this journey with me. He'd listened to me talk about needing this and that and had actually observed the complexity of the card I wanted to CASE. He knew I was  attempting something out of my league. He'd also looked in on me as I worked and knew my heart and soul was being poured into this. Along with my sweat. Literally. Lots and lots of sweat.

You have to understand...this is the hardest I've ever worked in my life! I gave less effort birthing my three children! I was one of those mother's-to-be that screamed for an epidural before the first contraction...THREE MONTHS before the first contraction! I'm so lazy I actually tried to get out of carrying my own children the entire third trimester!

So, after the last bandage was wrapped (but not before collapsing in tears and raising my hands to the Heavens-a la a Hallmark crazed Norma Rae) I grabbed my phone and texted my husband.

"Finally finished!" I typed.
"Nice!" He answered.

I didn't respond immediately. I would like to say it was due to taking a moment to think before I said something I regretted but, in truth, it was because Apple had yet to invent enough character space to accommodate the obscenities I was planning to send.

"NICE?" I screamed as soon as he walked through the door. "Are you effing kidding me? NICE?"

He paused in the doorway and I almost heard the clicking as he rifled through his memory, trying to figure out what I was talking about. Knowing my fury would intensify if he didn't figure it out quickly, he panicked. "What? What did I...wait! Wait!! The card? The card!," the word sounded close to a sob. He must have seen the answer in my face because he looked relieved.

But then, as men tend to do, he simply failed to stop talking. "What? Why are you mad? I saw it! I told you it was nice!"

I smiled at him. I could see he knew I was, in no way, forgiving him. But I could also see his face showed hope; that sweet, yet incredibly stupid, look of hope that I might let him off the hook for once.

"You're right, honey." I said, calmly. "I shouldn't have taken offense. You DID say it was nice."

I waited for the hope in his eyes to grow until I felt it was significant enough to enjoy crushing it from his very soul. "And I want you to know that being married to you isn't fulfilling, as of today. It's just nice. I used to tell you that you're a wonderful dad, but nice works just as well. Our marital relations were earth shattering, but why bother with those pesky adjectives when the word nice will do?  I'll also drop  'incredible' and substitute 'nice' when I refer to the size of..."

"Okay!" he said, loudly. "I understand! I'm sorry! Really. I thought it was really beautiful work! I was so..."

Blah, blah, blah.

I listened to him play every verbal 'get out of trouble' line he had stored in his meager arsenal. I smiled at him, gently, encouraging him to continue. As he babbled on, I couldn't help but think that I had, in mere hours, hit a new high in my crafting and in my marriage. There would be one less unacceptable, hurtful...what am I saying...one less VULGAR word uttered in my home by a thoughtless man, as of this moment.

I walked away with him still babbling something about his sense of self-worth doubling (or trebling) every second I was in his life, and headed to get my hands on more paper; I found myself hungry to create something beautiful...something clean...something pure, in my  harmonious and peaceful abode.

Now...where the f**k did I put those Stickles?

***I'd like to extend a very special thank-you to Lee Ann, who originally created this card back in January. It should be hitting her blog http://greytpapercrafts.blogspot.com/
in several weeks, but you can go to her blog and access this card and even more of her works at my favorite hangout, Splitcoast Stampers. She has a link to her gallery at SCS from her blog. I appreciate her being kind enough to lend her talent to so many of us and show us the things that are truly possible, we would never have believed were. If you want to be blown away, visit her blog and then head to SCS. The talent that resides there is immense and everyone is always eager to send a kind word and answer questions. They'll even tolerate a stalker, occasionally. At least, I know they'll tolerate a stalker without filing a restraint order. As far as I know. Or think. Oh, crap. I'd probably better check on that.

Paper, Stamps, Ribbons and Meth...The Secret to Stamping Success

I honestly have no idea what happened. One moment, I'm creating original cards like I'm a Hallmark on Adderall. There was no challenge too great to field, and no child too favored  to toss out of the craft room. I actually felt I was on my way to being a REAL Papercraft Goddess...not just a sarcastic blog title because I couldn't figure out another clever use for the word 'ink'. Well, there was the 'inking along' blog I started. Then, feeling it was too vague, changed it to my name and followed it with 'tINKers'. But even I couldn't feel good about going to a blog that read carmenstinkers.blogspot.com

The point is, I was a madwoman. But each day saw me a little more confident and competent. It was a great feeling, while it lasted.

But then IT came into our lives.

IT stripped me of my earned (albeit slightly delusional) CARDMAKING BIRTHRIGHT legacy and left 80 wt cardstock tasting like ashes in my mouth and saw my Copics reduced to one kid's need for more color variety on his Iron Man Velvet Art endeavor.

When IT opened, we all fell victim. Thus, my absence and subsequent loss of drive, determination and...wait...I think there's another 'D' word but am too drained to dwell on it. DAMN you, IT...you had to take my words, too!

IT happens to be the club pool. That's right...the pool. The entity that calls to my children day and night. "I know you hate me," it whispers in my ear, "I know you despise having to run around in a bathing skirt instead of bathing suit, but if you DON'T bring your children to me, they'll run wild in the house and you'll have to entertain them." 

Needless to say, the pool wins.

On a side note, (which is just really a nice way to say my brain veered off in some weird direction and I want you to think I'm merely making some profound connection) the fact we belong to a club is hilarious. Friends are already making bets as to how long it'll be before my hellions get us thrown out. I'm in at 2 months and 17 days. I wasn't allowed to bet so I used a shill. Hey...mama's gonna need the cash to put all three in a daycare if this fails.

But...back to my cardmaking dilemma. The really sad thing about all of this is that I intended to put up two cards I made before going to Austin, TX for the weekend of the 4th. I genuinely felt I couldn't create anything. So, I CASEd several. CASE is an acronym for 'Copy And Share Everything'. The word Share becomes Steal if you don't link to the other person's card. So, to shorten my Confession this week, here's the link for 'bird' and the other for 'tree' and THIS ONE. Gorgeous cards, ladies, and I hope I CASEd them in a way that reflects well upon you. As to me, I'll work on getting that drive back and perhaps figure out things I can do AT the pool which will help me return to the glorious days of my cardmaking, when ideas fell like raindrops and my skill grew with each passing moment.

In short, I just need to find out if strapping a couple of floaties to the kids and leaving them at the pool from 8-5 is okay by Dept. of Child Services Nazis. You never know...they're just so strict about everybody having to raise their on kids! So much for that 'it takes a Village' crap.

Dear Lord, thank you for not letting me be dead.

It all started with a dream. I believed, as did my BFF Melinda, that if we got up enough speed, we could run my bicycle into a low hanging chain and snap it in two.

Melinda was riding tandem that day; her skinny frame didn't weigh much, nor did it take up much room on the back of my banana seat.  My somewhat chubby body enjoyed the premium in space and balance and we were determined to snap. that. chain.

The chain was swinging lazily, about knee-high, across the driveway of the neighborhood's meanest man. I think his name was Mr. White and, along with being stuck with the much cliched nom de' plume, he was a loner and the times he did notice you, he was always yelling. But on that sunny, fall day, he was nowhere to be seen and we decided that chain would provide the perfect test to prove our strength, courage and superiority.

I told Melinda to hold on-it was time to go. She locked her arms around my waist and I began pedaling as fast as I could. We flew down the road. There wasn't a doubt in either mind that the chain was toast.

It's too bad, really, that Beginner Physics isn't taught in 1st grade. I feel that if it were, many boys and girls would be spared the scars that would follow them into adulthood and have to be lasered off or tattooed over in their 20's. I know that had I had a mere basic grasp of Physics, I would not have tried to run, full-speed, into any stationary object. Ever. Not then, not now.

As it were, I raced down that road completely bereft of the knowledge that could have saved me a handful of painful days and nights. We hit the chain, Melinda and I, but instead of snapping, it flew up the front of my bike and clotheslined the both of us. We lay in the road, stunned, as the chain swung wildly (intact) and my wrecked bike's wheel spun lazily. Then, as if on cue, we both began crying.

My cries were guttural. Think of the wine stomping girl on TV who fell and you'll get a good idea of what I sounded like that day. Melinda, on the other hand, began screaming. Between the screams, she talked to the Lord. Most of it was babble but I had no trouble making out one thing she kept saying every few seconds; "Dear Lord, thank you for not letting me be dead. Thank you! aheeeeeeeeah **babble, babble** Dear Lord..." you get the drift.

After repeated bronchitis attacks over the past several months that have left me physically spent, I finally woke up today and felt like I was my old self. I couldn't believe how alive I felt...how cheerfully alive and ready to face the day. Out of nowhere, I looked up and said, "Dear Lord, I would appreciate it if you could pay a little more attention and put a little more effort into my continued good health."

I think I may just go looking for a chain, or two.

Recipe: Designer paper, Girlfriends stamp from "I Brake for Stamps" and sentiment from TPC 'Girlfriends' stamp set. Paper from DCWV "Snapshot Stak". Copics.

Lord, I done gone crazy.

For Simon Says Stamp! I've ordered quite a bit from SSS but never entered their contests. This contest, however, featured my fave CAS stamps and Prima paper...two of my greatest loves!!! Sentiment and stamps from CAS Loving Thoughts and Prima Doodle Deux paper collection. Over the top bling or, as I call it 'blang', compliments of yours truly. Onto some more sketches, I think!