Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Dealers, Goons and Restraining Orders...Suck On THAT, Sizzix!

 Look. I don't enjoy fighting.

Okay. I occasionally enjoy it with my husband.

FINE. I occasionally enjoy fighting with my husband AND Democrats.

But that's IT! As far as you know.

I certainly don't enjoy fighting with the people who supply my habit. I mean, really...where's the sense in fighting with your dealer? It's stupid to irritate the people who hold those very fragile strands of happiness in their dirty, little hands. Why would you think that aggravating these people could possibly constitute a good life choice?

If anything, I'm one of those people whoseek praise on a regular basis and I people-please to the point that I'm on a first-name basis with restraining orders. Note: Yes, there ARE people who don't care to have you do a little landscaping or wash their cars or clean their homes. At least while they're on vacation. But you can rest assured that I let my dealers know they will have no trouble with me. They know I pay in full and quickly. No excuses here, friend! I'm not going to risk running into a die or paper shortage by p*ssing off Ellen Hutson (I hear she's a martial arts master who ripped out her Sensei's  heart to show it to him before he died. Or maybe that was a movie I saw. Nevertheless, I'm not tangling with her), neither do I fancy having my Grand Caliber broken by Tim Holtz goons.

Now I have the giggles. Visions of what a 'Tim Holtz goon' might look like-images of excommunicated Stampin Up! demonstrators threatening to put my various appendages in a Vagabond until I repent and promise to join the 12 Tags of 2013, with a bonus tag that spells out a promise to learn how to use fragments and LIKE working with that damned chipboard, along with a pledge that I will learn to define, spell AND pronounce the word 'ephemera'- is going to derail me permanently, if I don't pull this post together soon.

Back to the dealers. When it comes to this choice of...'hobby'...the one thing I can count on are instructions. Not just one set either...with EVERY project I've attempted, I average at least 50 youtube hits and thousands of blog hits that are just waiting to help me. Mostly they confuse me and I spend the entire time yelling at the women to stop ticking their tongues between sentences and using the word 'kewl', etc. but let's go with the word 'help'. It makes me feel more Christian.

Until now.

With it being Christmas, I thought I'd really go out on a limb and purchase a Susan Tierney-Cockburn "Don't Hate Me Because I Can Make More Realistic Flowers Out Of Lint And Nose Hair With My Pinkie Than You Will Ever Be Able To Make With 100 Of These Kits, You Hopeless Loser" poinsettia.

For those of you NOT familiar with Susan Tierney-Cockburn, she is THE Goddess of papercraft flowers
and while the average Jane CAN pull it off, STC will always be the person who is large and in-charge of this particular genre. I love her but I'm totally scared of her, too.

I REALLY wanted to put this together because I was determined to send it to a VERY special person who reads this blog and has helped me tremendously. She helped me find my way, my genre and generously gave me her time. I hadn't seen her create this flower and thought 'HEY! I'll make it and send to her and it'll be PERFECT!!!'

But it wasn't to be.

There were scant directions on the back of the card but I wasn't worried...I knew I'd find some help on the ol' internet. But I didn't. There wasn't ONE video on youtube. Neither was there one on Sizzix. I called Sizzix and was told there was no video because the product 'was too new'. WTF? I BOUGHT IT AT HOBBY LOBBY!!!

I was on my own, people. And it was ugly. You've seen my work...I could very well be the first person to EVER be banned from Susan's flower dies! There was a lot at stake and, if Susan were to divorce me, I would be looking at an empty future and fussy cut flowers. I. Could. Not. Fail.

Turns out, I conquered and its On its way to its intended come this Saturday. It'll actually turn out to be an awesome gift!

And  you can't even see the lint and nose hairs. Wow. I effin' ROCK! HA HA!!!

DISCLAIMER: I'm a humor writer and hope I don't leave the impression that I have any animosity toward those mentioned in my blog. I happen to love Susan, Ellen and Sizzix. I was merely poking fun to cover the 'boasting' of having mastered the die set on my own. I really AM proud! I just didn't want to be TOO in your face, so I had some fun. Thanks for taking my words with a grain of salt and if it puts a small smile on your face, I feel like I didn't something right. :)

Pan pastel gold
Pan Pastel Bright Yellow Green Shade
Spellbinders Fleur de Lis Squares Die
Lifestyle Crafts Whimsy Embossing Folder
Stampin Up! Champagne Glimmer Paper
White Liquid Applique (I mixed this with a little reinker for the stamen tips)
Distress Ink Reinker Wild Honey
Sizzix Accessory Tool Kit by Susan Tierney-Cockburn