Monday, April 3, 2017
(Chipboard, Graphic 45with bird, some grass and clover mounted with mounting tape
for effect, Tim Holtz, Dresden frame covered in white Gilder's Paste
and rubbed to highlight a little of the gold.)
I was visiting a friend the other day, when she paused during our conversation, and gazed out the window with a rapturous look on her face.
"Look!" she said, in a excited whisper.
I did. And I understood exactly how she felt.
The birdfeeder was simply crawling with birds! A movement to my right almost caused me to laugh aloud. "Oh! I can't believe it! Here comes a squirrel!"
She pursed her lips thoughtfully, then smiled. "It's okay for now, there's enough for everyone."
"Well," I said, "Maybe not enough for everyone, but a good start."
We grinned at each other. "I'll get phone and get pictures!"
"Great idea!" I said, "You do that, and I'll get the shot pellets and gun."
Shortly after, I was sitting in my car and wondering how birds had become so darned overrated.
(Inside of ATC sized paper mache' house covered with tissue paper and acrylic. Live twigs, mini birds, greenery and clay birds. Brass finding on top with clock. Moss adhered with tacky glue. Tim Holtz findings.)
Back in the day, we used to hunt those suckers and suck the marrow out of the tasty little bones.
Well, ok. Not songbirds. But squirrels, definitely.
FINE. Fine. So my grandpa hunted squirrels. But I STILL had to eat squirrel and dumplins on occasion.
Geez. You people are a pain. Ok, I ate it once. After they told me it was dark meat chicken and dumplins. Had I KNOWN I would be eating a member of the rodent family, I certainly wouldn't have come NEAR it, much less eat the nasty stuff.
Wow. That was a heck of a rant, wasn't it?
The point I was trying to get to (before you ill-mannered people managed to access my brain and gave me the power to foresee your disturbing need for ACCURACY-whatever happened to literary license, people??) was why in the world would anyone want birds and inevitably, squirrels, hanging out 24/7 at your home? You are, in essence, training them to hang out until meal times and show their gratitude by pooping on everything from your car, to your deck and even your kids!!
PAM (pre-adderall moment) I want to say that I would give anything to have my kids get poop-bombed by birds. That would be hilarious! Oh, the fabulous Facebook photos I would have! Not to mention that I would finally have material to justify the purchase of those Christmas picture cards to send to everyone! With cute captions like, after catching a kid slipping and falling on the bird poop slicked grass, the picture would read "I'm POOPED". Or how about a picture of all three covered in bird droppings and having a caption that reads "The POOP Posse!" How about a close up of the birds and the kids having a birthday party in the back and calling it "The Party POOPERS" Oh HAHAHAHAHAHA The possibilities are endless. The only thing keeping me from putting this incredible idea into motion is the fact those little poop-heads would refuse to leave the house and I'll be stuck with them for the rest of their lives. Is that worth a day, or three, of parental payback perfection???
Sigh. I know. I'm torn about it, too.
(END OF PAM)
But look...I'm not here to try to change anyone's mind. I mean, how could I? You people are crazy enough to WANT the little sh*t machines to hang out at your house 24/7! You even buy them food to keep the poop coming on a regular basis! I don't even know how to TALK to that kind of crazy! All I have to say is this: when you tire of the mess, you know who to call.
And I'll even supply the shot.
Needless to say, I was on a clay binge for Blissful ATC swap's "Bird Brain" theme for March. I found so many little tutorials on youtube, that I drug my Sculpey out and went to town! What you see is one try on each before I baked them. That's how easy it was! Throw in so live twigs and some good texture and you've got a really good start on some bird themed ATC's!