Friday, August 30, 2019

Of (Drag) Queens, Charity and Millennials. WARNING: Spicy Post Ahead

A warning, Gentle Readers. I was particularly manic during the creation of the following post. It may be a bit on the racy side for many of you. I thought about not publishing it. A first, for me. But then, I had this romantic notion (read: delusional moment) where I thought you may actually like this part of my personality that no one has been able to medicate into obedience. If not, oh sounded good to me.

To start with...No. It's not time for the Pride Parade. Although, I have to say it would interesting to do a mixed media project on those Queens!

But, let's face it...there aren't enough sequins and feathers in existence to get me through project like that.

What I am talking about is the beginning of my mixed media Parade of Queens. First, I give you 
HRM Queen Victoria.

I chose her first because during the Blitz in WWII, London was destroyed almost beyond recognition. Buckingham Palace was also hit and badly damaged. As soon as it was over, Queen Victoria headed out to the streets, talking to and encouraging people. She said she was "glad Buckingham Palace was hit so they all could share the burden."

All this consists of is a resin covered image and Swarovski crystals, along with broken bits of vintage, costume jewelry. The frame is a cheapie from Michaels or Hobby Lobby. I used a bit of solder and sterling wire, along with my trusty friend "E6000" and Tally Ho!

And yes...I cringed a bit when I typed "Ho". Good LORD...the Millennials with their militant PC, and Safe Spaces are killing me.

PAM: (pre-Adderall Moment. As a refresher, this means I'm writing before the Adderall kicks in and keeps me focused. It's also a warning that I'm either going down a rabbit hole or saying something that just might get me reprimanded. Or both.)

Millennials. They drive me insane. I was in radio for 25 years. I hosted a great number of benefits during those years to raise money for community based charities. I always performed comedy bits as emcee', as well. 

One benefit featured an evening with "celebrities"; those being drag queen performers. The very first one I hosted, I was backstage and was actually shown what happens UNDER the dress. Suffice it to say I had NO IDEA you could TAPE

I admit...I was really impressed. So, my comedy featured several bits about...well...bits...and another about gay men, in general. I won't go into the actual bit about drag queens. I'm afraid I've already violated a few rules here and I feel guaranteed that a call from my mother is in order, as it is. But with gay men, I ended with the line "I LOVE gay men! I think every woman should own two."

This was very funny. Up until 2010, or so. 

The last time I did this bit, I was accosted by a host of Millennials who said my humor regarding drag queens was "belittling" and that I was endorsing slavery with my (fabulously funny) part about owning gay men. 

Now, I couldn't swear to it, but I might have replied something along the lines of too bad it was their humor they taped up their a** and not...well...I'd probably better stop here. 

But remember...this PAM is NOT MY FAULT. The fault lies with the little Snowflakes who have nothing better to do than earn their PhD's in basket weaving and circle sharing. 

Oh boy. I haven't even hit the post button yet and I'm already so far off base I should probably chuck this entire entry. But that would be a LOT of wasted writing. Besides, I've already driven right over the point in letting off the gas now.

The second piece in my Queen series is good ol' Marie. And I don't care what ANYONE says...there was a gay man in HER wardrobe retinue somewhere!

This was also created in the same manner as HRM Victoria. 

And as questionable as my content might have been, there was actually a good reason behind my making these!!!

You see, I don't sell my art. I donate it for silent or quarter auctions or any other charity fundraiser if I'm asked. 

OR I foist it on hapless friends and relatives. 

At any rate, I decided to make these creations a little more "official" looking. So, I actually ordered a couple of stamps with a name and logo. Aw...yeah. Someone is a pro-fessional now!

On the inside is my little mantra. Most everything I make uses pieces of broken things. Mostly jewelry, but I've been known to use glass or wings of large (dead) insects. When I can get the boys to pull them off for me. 


(more on these suckers later)

And then, the vision:

You never knew this side of me, did you? Oh great. Now I'm totally embarrassed. 

I've GOT to end this post now or you and I will never get out alive. But before I go, I'll tell you this. I never create the title until the end of a post. I deserve some kind of &*&%^  Nobel Prize for this one.


Bezels and a crap-ton of Ice Resin (Hint: Buy the big freaking bottles. Trust.) 

Attitude: 100% Yours Truly. No way I’d burden anyone else with THAT. 

Monday, August 19, 2019

Multitasking...Christmas Ornaments/Instruments of Death

I promise to not promise to be back.

At the rate I'm going, we may be looking at the new norm of one post every year-and-a-half. Or, I may simply show up in your inbox twice a day for a year-and-a-half.

It pretty much depends on how much attention I'm seeking and if I sit down to write at the exact time my morning and lunchtime meds are working in tandem. In short, IF I catch the morning meds just as they begin their descent THEN quickly take the lunchtime dose,  AND I'm in the craft room AND I open up the blog and commit to an entry which won't embarrass me (in the writing or the finished product) then, as they say, "game on b**ches"

Hey...don't judge me. I'M not the one who made the saying up. I'm just sharing it (with a very conservative amount of stars, if I say so myself) because I believe it an adequate expression of what happens when my meds, OCD, attention-seeking behavior and ability to finish something comes together and I'm able to pull a blog post with a couple of photos out of my a**.

Ouch. You people have me in full manic mode today. God help us all.

Sadly enough, I've been uninspired these past 18 months. Engaging in litigation with large corporations and government bureaucracy, such as I have, would leave much lesser people crippled with anxiety and seeing their own life span reduce itself by the hour, while trying to hold on to whatever sanity (and close relations who've heard the story, incessantly, and either changed cell phone numbers or moved in the dead of night to begin a new life under assumed names and with the full protection of shady government agencies and Liam Neeson) that they have left.

Me? Hell. I just slept through most of it.

But now that it's behind me, I'm feeling at a loss for what to do with myself. All of those hours spent with attorneys, government employees and other minions of Satan, are now empty.

Who'd have ever thought one could miss the pervasive and constant smell of brimstone?

Anyway, here I am once again with all of you. At least, those of you who weren't purchased through Fiverr to boost my blog subscription numbers in an attempt to make the 5 actual subscribers think they were part of a hip and popular blog. Of which NOW, after I've gone down several rabbit holes, I find I have NO idea what in the devil I was going to blog about!

OH! Crap. That's right. Christmas and Death. Got it! Let's go...

These are called “Cheeky Snowballs” and were created by Nichola Battilana at Pixie Hill. Here’s her YouTube video tutorial.

The tutorial made it look easy and, truth be told, I felt I was on a ROLL! Granted, I found the noses and mouths challenging, but when the clay dried, I daresay I was pleased. Then I was ready for the glitter.

It took a bit to find my Tim Holtz Stickles glitter. Funny how it keeps making its way around my craft room. I'm sure this mysterious movement owes itself to lingering, powerful effects of my recent Spring Solstice gathering and not to any human intervention. Namely, the husband and kids.

PAM (Pre-Adderall Moment) If you're a newbie to the blog, allow me to explain. I have 3 boys; 4 if you count the husband. Even the dog is male. I use so much glitter, it circulates through the house. I've caught it sneering at the high-end air filters we install. This glitter tends to attach itself only to the Y Chromosomes. Apparently, this is a problem for male teens. Because of this, I tend to "lose" a lot of glitter. Fortunately, I keep a stash in the magazine rack under my Better Homes and Garden magazines. I USED to keep it under my Cosmopolitan mags, but the boys (along with the spousal unit, I'm sure) kept rifling through them to look for dirty pictures. At least I HOPE they were. If they were taking the quizzes, then glitter theft is the least of my worries. Sorry...back to regularly scheduled programming.

SO...I finally found the glitter and set it on my desk. Next morning, I grabbed glue, my paintbrush and went to work putting glue on half the ornament. I dropped the brush and looked for the glitter and it was GONE. Panicking, I looked quickly over, behind and around the desk. Nothing. I delved into my glitter stash and I saw a beautiful clear sparkling glitter. Fortunately, I was able to glitter the ornament before it dried. And it was GORGEOUS!!!

I quickly did the others. I didn't want to wait for them to dry, so I started again with the first and glittered the other half. I was truly thrilled.

Leaving them to dry, I brushed the excess glitter off my hands. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pinch and looked down. There was a spot of blood on my hands! And that, my friends, is where I realized that THIS was the glitter I'd used. 

I think you can see my dilemma. The snowmen look gorgeous with this glitter! But I'm hesitant to give one as a gift to a friend or family member and have them inadvertently slice off a limb or puncture a carotid artery. 

I hate to say that this was my first and (at the behest of local Law Enforcement due to possible weapon’s violations) my last attempt at creating these cuties. 

But I HIGHLY recommend the tutorial and the glitter. 

Just not together, perhaps.


(This doesn't shrink and crack as much as Paper Clay, I've found. Easier to mold.)

3" Styrofoam Balls

Acrylic Paint