And somehow, once again, another month comes to a close.
Another month in which I've managed to NOT do so MANY things.
There's the furniture I have not pulled out from the wall to clean behind. Choosing, once again, to let nature's critters feast on the crumbs left there, until the day I thank them by inviting Mr. Exterminator to the party.
There's the matter of the y-chromosomes, who are still residing somewhere within the utmost regions of my house, whom I have not evicted due to their lame excuses of being "underage" and claims of "child protection laws".
And let's not forget the Marital Unit, who I have not sued for abandonment and subsequently divorced, only because I can't find him on the golf course.
Lastly, as we're coming to an end of another summer month, I have not dipped even one toe into the body of water we call the ocean.
It's this last one I consider most important, because it means I'm here writing this post and not being digested in part (or whole) by a shark.
I know, I know...I hear it every year. My little sun bunny friends are the first to poo-poo my fears.
"Do you know how rare it is to be attacked by a shark while swimming at the beach?" my slim, tanned and very buxom friend Eva said, while trying on a tiny bikini she was considering as we shopped for summer wear.
"It's not rare.." I said, a bit testily, silently chanting to myself that I did not hate her for having two children and still being able to pull off "twenty-something in a bikini" while in her 40's.
"Oh, come on." she said. "It's incredibly rare! Name the last time someone was attacked by a shark. Especially here in North Carolina."
"Which of the 36 attacks since 2010 do you want to know about?" I said. "Or is it enough to know that our state ranks 5th in the nation in shark attacks?"
She paled. "Oh, God. Are you serious?"
"I would never make something like that up." I said, grateful that she suddenly seemed less interested in the bikini that rudely boasted only one number in the "size" portion of the tag.
She looked sadly at the bikini as she handed to the saleswoman. "Well, I guess I'll just lay out on the beach and tan this year. By the way, do you have this in a size 4?"
Gritting my teeth, I told myself I did not want my sweet friend to test any
"swimming in the ocean/ shark" statistics.
"swimming in the ocean/ shark" statistics.
As bad as friends could be, it was nothing compared to my mother's reaction. We were settling in for a week's vacation at Myrtle Beach and had sunk down into our lounge chairs to read and sunbathe.
As my y-chromosomes raced to the water, I stopped them at the edge with a shrill whistle.
"Remember," I called to them. "Ankle deep ONLY! What is it we always say about the beach?"
The y-chromosomes chanted in unison. "In to your knees, the sharks you will tease. Up to your bum and you become chum."
Rolling her eyes, my mother said, "What in the world has gotten into you? I thought you loved the ocean! I remember you swimming in it all the time when you were a kid. What changed?"
"You took me to see Jaws at the theater when I was seven." I said.
"Couldn't have been." she scoffed. "That must've been your father. He was always doing silly things like that when he'd had a few drinks. Remember the time he he took you and your brother to the Drive In, then promptly fell asleep in the front seat? Not knowing the movies were scary ones?"
"Yes, mother. I remember it distinctly. It was a double feature. The movies were Coma and The Omen."
"That's right!" she clapped her hands enthusiastically. "You have such a good memory! Why on earth did he take the two of you to something like that, I wonder?"
"Because he'd had a few Boilermakers and misread "Coma" as "Comma" and thought it was an educational film. And "The Omen" he thought was a film about the Bible." I said, drily.
"Only your Dad!" she laughed.
As June comes to a close, I've found myself gearing up for another summer of remaining faithful to my "not's".
I have not allowed any surgery to take place unless the Marital Unit has conducted an investigation into the character of the Anesthetist and checked hospital records to see if there have been a rash of patients who've had surgery and mysteriously vanished.
I have not neglected to shave each y-chromosomes head at one point to check for any numbers or signs that might be hidden there. It certainly didn't help that the last one was born on 6/6/06, but that was my fault for insisting on induction at the earliest possible moment.
Don't worry, though...I still have my eye on that one.
Last but not least, I have not and will not ever, in any lifetime, be eaten by a shark.
And in the history of my "not's", this will prove to be the most important of all.
NOW, onto the gorgeous Technique Junkies NEW Releases for June!!!
My first is Coral Seaturtle.
I stamped and embossed the image in white, Using masking fluid, I made "spots" on the back of the turtle. After watercoloring him a dark brown, I removed the masking and did a quick wash of the dark color I'd already painted. I really LOVE how this effect came out. And it was totally accidental. Wait...I mean, I just knew that would happen. Because I'm experienced, like that.
My second card was one of those that assembled itself much better in my head than I was able to pull off for you. Using the Inside/Out set, my intention was to make a wall with the mirror showing the outside sentiment "Mirror Mirror". I stamped it with Staz-On, then tried to use little frames with pictures of stern looking people to look like a wall.
Then, I used the Inside sentiment (which we won't point out to anyone, specifically my parental unit...will we?) and the TJ stamp set Crabby I finished it off with the crab and sentiment.
ALL of these sets-and everything else you might want-is 10% off if you use my discount code TJ10CARMEN
Thanks for stopping by...and keep on stamping!
It's MUCH safer than swimming in the ocean
Thanks for the laughs this morning! Love the humor in your cards. That turtle is fabulous with the variation in color looking so natural. Love the bright seaweed too. What fun sets and I love how you used them. As always, your blog posts are so fun to read.ReplyDelete