Faux REAL, Y'all!!

I made this for the MIX69 challenge at Splitcoast called 'Faux Tiles'. I'm about 3 or 17 months behind in my mixed media challenges...mostly because I have enough trouble trying to create in ONE medium. Unless the second medium is 'wine', I'm a little out of my league.

One of the "interesting" (and by interesting, I mean crazy, nonsensical and completely inexplicable) outcomes of the conjugal visits between my OCD and ADD, is how I'll get locked onto a word or phrase which will trigger this repetitive behavior guaranteed to drive you AND me completely insane. Allow me to give you an example:

The word 'faux'. As soon as I began this challenge, my OCD and ADD immediately produced a fixation on the word. Then I began whispering every variation in which I could substitute the word 'Faux' and would continue until I either became obsessed with something else (I'm honestly a psychiatric underachiever...only one neurosis at a time) or drank myself to sleep.

So, from the time I began this challenge until now, I've been saying "Faux sure, baby!" when my husband asked me something, to telling the kids to "go get a water Faux yo mama" Once I said this, however, I REALLY got myself into trouble. Because I inadvertently went from a simple word fixation into a complete behavior change. From just being simply annoying by substituting the word 'faux' for 'for', I transitioned into white girl rap mode, which is an atrocity of its own.

I mean, really...does ANY 46-year-old country Baptist girl with 4 boys NEED to be rapping along with Notorious BIG and Tupac Shakur? Even Joe Biden has more street cred than I do!

It's not just the lack of street cred that's the problem, it's the way I can croon things like "and even though you was a crack fiend, mama, you always was black queen, mama," as if my own 70 year old uber-religious mother indulged in-or even understood-crack.

Everyone I know HATES anything that triggers my rap mode. Especially my kids. They hate it so much that when I go to them to ask about the latest rap jargon, they intentionally give me the wrong answers. Like when, upon learning all the lyrics for Notorious BIG's "Juicy", I went to them and asked what the words "endo, bamboo and sippin on private stock" meant. They responded that endo was obviously a reference to Star Wars Ewoks and their planet Endor, bamboo is a tropical island and/or setting and private stock was obviously Biggie's investment portfolio.

How did I figure out they were lying? I KNOW Private Stock is a liquor.  I'm not THAT gullible!

Bottom line is that I'm firmly entrenched in rap mode, now, thanks to a mixed media challenge. My family has threatened to leave, my friends won't answer the phone and about 700 people dropped me from Facebook. But I'm really fine with all that...it gives me more time to reflect, create art, and rap to my heart's content.

And once I finish memorizing the rap jargon from 1992, I'll move on to 93.


Recipe: I blended the Lemonade, Marmalade and Lipstick with blending tools on my cardstock. Then I took my masking tape roll and laid the wide strips diagonally, one way. After sponging the black into the thin areas, I removed the tape and arranged it the opposite way to form the diamond pattern. I hate you can't see the next part but I was feeling a little goofy and, after cutting the word thanks from white cardstock, I coated it with gesso and hit it with the heat gun. It gives it this cool, puffy and textured look.

Dirty Spies Down Under!!

Dirty Spies CASE of designer Susie W.'s design HERE

This was my second month in the Dirty Spies Challenge. The idea is to CASE a card by one of the Dirty Girls at Splitcoast. Now, I'm not going to give any more details because, just typing 'Dirty Girls' is good for about 10 thousand blog hits. I don't want to be greedy.

Susie is from Australia. Although we've never really talked about it, I really thinks she feels the same as I do about art, life and the fact we really need to change the spelling of her country to Aus-TRAIL-ia. It's how I've always pronounced it and I'm too old in my ways to do anything about it now. They just need to change it already.

I really love what Susie does with her art. She isn't afraid to put it all out there. I can't tell you how many projects I start, then trash because it looks too outlandish...even for ME. I see stamping/papercrafting as lots of flowers and cute bugs. Like ladybugs and whimsical spiders. No roaches or stink bugs. They're just not cute...even in whimsy.

But Susie does what she loves. Just like Kittie C., who was my first Dirty Spies CASE and one of my idols. They both do exactly what they love and it SHOWS!!! That's why I CASE them...it's not the techniques...Hell, I can CASE the best of them. But creating is where I draw a blank. I swear to you...I actually feel like I'm having panic attacks sometimes! A 4.25 x 5.5 inch card looks small, but it's a lot of white space to fill when you don't have a clue about what to do with it!

 I also love her humor. No one laughed harder (or probably even understood, except for me) how you can start with stamping and end up having to replace sheet rock. You're talking to someone who ended up in the ER, injured with STICKLES, for God's sake!! I wonder how many people actually thought about creating a brayer out of a plastic baggie and a link of frozen sausage? Except for ME? Huh??? Huh???? I'm telling you, she's funny!

At the end of the day, thank you, Susie! You're an awesome lady. I love your work and the person you are. There's a joy in creating art, no matter what medium you're in. And Susie has found it. I love her for that!

Recipe: I started with a whole lotta praying. I don't know if it helped the piece but it kept me from dissolving into histrionics. For now. But I embossed the tag (which I painted first with black acrylic) with a folder called 'Tiny Mosaic'. I ordered it off of Ebay from the UK. None to be found here.  I used versa mark all over the front and covered with clear embossing powder. I used a Julia Nutting stamp, which I fussy cut. I colored her skin in E21, her hair in some kind of yellow and used red, sparkle embossing powder on her head band. Tiny, red crystals formed her necklace and bracelet. I covered a sheet of cardstock in Ranger adhesive backed foil. I embossed half with a bird theme folder and a dot folder on the other half. I stamped the doll image on the back and cut it out, forming the skirt and, after stamping again, the top. I cut the pleats from the image on the stamp and just took thin slices out to separate them a bit, then put a bit of black tulle underneath. The Memory Box die on the left was cut from silver, mirror paper and the roses were from an MFT set.

Oh, Baby! Freshly Made Sketches #143

I've been playing around with creating layers without creating bulk. This was a perfect sketch to practice with. It has been a while since I've like a sketch as much as this one! The circle was watercolored after I cut the word 'baby' from it. I also kept the bits I knew I'd need to fit back into the die cut and watercolored them as well. My first layer is embossed dots. The ribbon and the paper banner make up the top two layers and some sequins to finish it off. Thanks for letting us play, FMS!

UPDATE!! OMG...this card was chosen as a CAS favorite at Splitcoast Stampers!! This is HUGE for me! I've been slogging away at trying to improve my CAS work for over a year and this is the FIRST time I've ever had any CAS work mentioned. I created this card for FMS, but I usually post my work there, too. I'm dancing with joy! But I'm stopping now...I don't want to break a hip. heh heh

Stars and Bars

New Memory Box die, Star Garland! Couldn't WAIT to use it! Just rolled some 1 inch strips through the wave roller and cut the garland from SU! Glimmer Paper. This looks so involved, doesn't it? Why don't y'all do me a favor and continue thinking so! I'm feeling a little low on 'fabulousness' lately, so help a sistah out, why dontcha?? MWAAAAAH!

Fourth of July...time for celebration, fireworks, smuggling contraband and the ER.

This is a CASE card. I fell in love with it months ago and was determined to CASE it as a gift to a dear friend. The original design is here. Thanks to Beverly Polen for such a gorgeous design.

The 4th of July. As a holiday, it's incredibly important to me. But it's also my least favorite. That's right....I said it. Out loud. Sort of. On this blog. Where I can always claim it was hacked, if necessary, by anti-4th of July progressives, who are Communists. Or al quida. Wait...it is al queda? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW TO SPELL THE NAME OF A TERRORIST ORGANIZATION.

PAM: (pre-adderall moment) I happen to be a girl who had nervous breakdowns over the words 'cocoa' and 'beauty'. Losing a spelling bee in the 4th grade was a terrible blow to my confidence, and has made me somewhat a cautionary tale. The basis for all my failure and underachievement can be traced back to that year, and the pressure that these types of events place upon our children. Of course, it happened to be the year I was sent to an all-girl Christian Baptist school. But I'm sure that had NOTHING to do with my subsequent tics, mania and OCD tendencies. Well, maybe it did....a little...but I'm pretty sure it had less to do with the theology, and everything to do with the fact I was locked in a room for an entire year with a bunch of 10-year-old girls, who weren't allowed to wear anything but skirts. I got into a lot of trouble for wearing gauchos that year. Or split skirts, or wtf ever you call the things, nowadays. Needless to say, I never wore them again. Wait...I did one time and THEN never wore them again. Only because I was too short and chunky to wear them effectively. I know...you're waiting for me to end this by professing how far I allowed myself to wander off track, but this is actually a logical progression: terrorist organization to a class made up of all 10-year-old girls. One and the same, people. One and the same.

Back to the 4th of July. Look, I am properly reverent, appreciative and proud of this day. I honestly am. I'm an ardent supporter of our troops throughout the year and am a consistent donor to various troop-related charities, such as Wounded Warrior Project  and Fisher House-both of which are very dear to me. (links provided in case you want to throw a little money love their way!!)

I just dislike the actual month. July. It's hot and not remotely close enough for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. "Light" meaning "School", mind you. Too much humidity and too many kids for me to properly appreciate what this day should represent. Besides, as far as what our commercialized holidays cost, this one, for me, is the most expensive.

It begins around July 1st. That's when my husband and sons break out a map and begin planning their smuggling route for illegal fireworks. They spend hours pouring over every route and speculating where State Troopers will be stationed-presumably to search any and all vehicles for contraband. The discussion then turns to whether they should modify one of our cars to hide the ill-gotten gains. Naturally, it's MY car they want to modify. As if a beat-up Volvo station wagon is going to on the All Points Bulletins for potential smuggling of Black Cats and Bottle Rockets. Not to mention what my house full of Y-chromosomes MEAN when they start talking about 'modification'. Dummy gas tanks and spare tire wheel wells always lead the discussion. About the time they get to 'convertible conversions' and 'nitrous oxide injectors' is when I step in and have to 'redirect' the conversation. And by 'redirect', I mean I threaten them with every nudie baby pic I possess and-for the significant other-the picture I found of him when he was 19 and wearing some girl's ring on a necklace, staring off into the distance. Shirtless. With poufy hair. It's so bad that the 80's called and said "Damn! You're making us look bad!!"

But I digress.

This phase of the smuggling operation usually wraps up about this time, and they begin taking practice runs. These consist of plastic pipes, all cut to the length of the average bottle rocket, and stowed in whatever place they can be made to fit. Afterwards, they each rehearse what they'll say to police upon being caught and taken into custody, where they will be interrogated seperately, and must have similar stories. They swear to never betray one another and agree they'll never fall for the 'Law & Order' trick of being told that one of them ratted the rest out. This part is pretty harmless, although I DO have to step in and stress they will NOT follow through with selling the 8-year-old out, even IF he can't be prosecuted due to his age.

The day before, all four get up and dress in solid black. This year will be the first that face masks are optional. My husband says the decision was heat-related. I'm pretty sure it was due to the fact he hated messing up his pouf of hair.

Then, they'll pile in the car and swear to abstain from all food and drink-ostensibly negating the need to stop-and drive off, each sitting stiffly and staring straight ahead, congratulating the other on how natural they look. The drive is grueling; an hour and forty-five minutes on...well...the interstate...across the state line into South Carolina, where there are fireworks stands every 7 and a half feet until you hit the Georgia state line.

They'll drive past 7 or 8 before stopping. They all agree this is smart, because they're sure the cops will be watching for the smuggling novices who stop at the first couple of stands. They'll load up the car with a couple hundred dollars of fireworks-and drive away slowly. Usually behind a bevy of NC State Patrol cars, ALSO loaded up with the same fireworks. Upon arriving home, they celebrate their successful mission and count the minutes until sundown on the 4th.

When that time arrives, I go ahead and get dressed. I usually have about 20 minutes or so before they decide it's more fun to hold Roman Candles and fire them at selected targets-or each other-and I'm off to the emergency room, once again. Fortunately, the hospital instituted the 'call ahead reservations', so I only have to wait an hour or two instead of the obligatory all-nighter in the waiting room. When we get home, everyone else is watching TV, having put the rest of the fireworks away for fear my rage would be such I would shove bottle rockets in orifices that would make even South Carolina consider banning them.

There, in the garage, the fireworks will join other fireworks from years past, waiting for either dry rot or a lightning strike to occur.

I hope this sheds a little light on why the 4th simply doesn't hold a dear place in the line-up of overly commercialized holidays, in my book. This year, I plan to take the fireworks savings and donate it to a much more worthy cause. I'll also insist the boys-to include the one I married-ruminate on the importance of this holiday and give thanks to the men and women who have fought, especially those who have made the ultimate sacrifice-for our freedoms.

But we'll say thank-you and celebrate the 4th in the way it should be celebrated...

In the air conditioning.


There were no instructions as to measurements and I had to do it all from scratch. Suffice it to say I have a crapload of paper 'remnants'. I can tell you that I have never had a bigger headache. Therefore, I'm taking total designer credit for measurement part. Hee hee. Okay...here's a breakdown of the measurements:

The image panel measures 3-3/8 x 3-15/16   This includes a 1/4 border sponged here in Not Quite Navy. I used a Tim Holtz ruler and sponged the edges, negating the need to mask.

The Not Quite Navy Mat behind the image 5-1/8 x 3-9/16
Sentiment  3-7/16 x 7/8
Red sentiment mat 1 x 3-9/16 
White mat 5-1/4 x 3-3/4
Red card base-4 x 11 or 4 x 5-1/2 mat only
 

Freshly Made Sketches #141

Another FMS sketch this week...click here and join the fun!!!

Watercolor Roses for JUGS #245

For the first time in over a month, I'm back on the challenges. This week, Just Us GirlS has a challenge based on watercolor technique.

This stamp is from Rubbernecker and it's called Roses in Bloom. It's one of their newest stamps and I find these a little more difficult to work with than their last releases.

The others all had a stamp which had a solid black outline of the picture. I thought it really helped make the image look professional. These are gorgeous but you really have to work with the watercolor to give it definition.

I used all Tim Holtz Distress Inks. This piece took about 3-4 saturations-meaning, I would place water and color, then dry. The roses took four so, while they don't have line based definition, I felt the shading came out pretty decent.

I used Graphic 45 Botanical Tea, some vellum, SU! Thank you, Kindly and two pearls I colored with copics. I really try to keep it basic with watercoloring. It's WAY too easy to distract from the image and take the piece way over the top.

Trust me when I say I'm a MASTER of 'over the top'. heh heh

Challenge is over next Thursday so get to it!!! Click the picture above and join us, why dontcha??