Multitasking...Christmas Ornaments/Instruments of Death

I promise to not promise to be back.

At the rate I'm going, we may be looking at the new norm of one post every year-and-a-half. Or, I may simply show up in your inbox twice a day for a year-and-a-half.

It pretty much depends on how much attention I'm seeking and if I sit down to write at the exact time my morning and lunchtime meds are working in tandem. In short, IF I catch the morning meds just as they begin their descent THEN quickly take the lunchtime dose,  AND I'm in the craft room AND I open up the blog and commit to an entry which won't embarrass me (in the writing or the finished product) then, as they say, "game on b**ches"

Hey...don't judge me. I'M not the one who made the saying up. I'm just sharing it (with a very conservative amount of stars, if I say so myself) because I believe it an adequate expression of what happens when my meds, OCD, attention-seeking behavior and ability to finish something comes together and I'm able to pull a blog post with a couple of photos out of my a**.

Ouch. You people have me in full manic mode today. God help us all.

Sadly enough, I've been uninspired these past 18 months. Engaging in litigation with large corporations and government bureaucracy, such as I have, would leave much lesser people crippled with anxiety and seeing their own life span reduce itself by the hour, while trying to hold on to whatever sanity (and close relations who've heard the story, incessantly, and either changed cell phone numbers or moved in the dead of night to begin a new life under assumed names and with the full protection of shady government agencies and Liam Neeson) that they have left.

Me? Hell. I just slept through most of it.

But now that it's behind me, I'm feeling at a loss for what to do with myself. All of those hours spent with attorneys, government employees and other minions of Satan, are now empty.

Who'd have ever thought one could miss the pervasive and constant smell of brimstone?

Anyway, here I am once again with all of you. At least, those of you who weren't purchased through Fiverr to boost my blog subscription numbers in an attempt to make the 5 actual subscribers think they were part of a hip and popular blog. Of which NOW, after I've gone down several rabbit holes, I find I have NO idea what in the devil I was going to blog about!

OH! Crap. That's right. Christmas and Death. Got it! Let's go...

These are called “Cheeky Snowballs” and were created by Nichola Battilana at Pixie Hill. Here’s her YouTube video tutorial.

The tutorial made it look easy and, truth be told, I felt I was on a ROLL! Granted, I found the noses and mouths challenging, but when the clay dried, I daresay I was pleased. Then I was ready for the glitter.

It took a bit to find my Tim Holtz Stickles glitter. Funny how it keeps making its way around my craft room. I'm sure this mysterious movement owes itself to lingering, powerful effects of my recent Spring Solstice gathering and not to any human intervention. Namely, the husband and kids.

PAM (Pre-Adderall Moment) If you're a newbie to the blog, allow me to explain. I have 3 boys; 4 if you count the husband. Even the dog is male. I use so much glitter, it circulates through the house. I've caught it sneering at the high-end air filters we install. This glitter tends to attach itself only to the Y Chromosomes. Apparently, this is a problem for male teens. Because of this, I tend to "lose" a lot of glitter. Fortunately, I keep a stash in the magazine rack under my Better Homes and Garden magazines. I USED to keep it under my Cosmopolitan mags, but the boys (along with the spousal unit, I'm sure) kept rifling through them to look for dirty pictures. At least I HOPE they were. If they were taking the quizzes, then glitter theft is the least of my worries. Sorry...back to regularly scheduled programming.

SO...I finally found the glitter and set it on my desk. Next morning, I grabbed glue, my paintbrush and went to work putting glue on half the ornament. I dropped the brush and looked for the glitter and it was GONE. Panicking, I looked quickly over, behind and around the desk. Nothing. I delved into my glitter stash and I saw a beautiful clear sparkling glitter. Fortunately, I was able to glitter the ornament before it dried. And it was GORGEOUS!!!

I quickly did the others. I didn't want to wait for them to dry, so I started again with the first and glittered the other half. I was truly thrilled.

Leaving them to dry, I brushed the excess glitter off my hands. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pinch and looked down. There was a spot of blood on my hands! And that, my friends, is where I realized that THIS was the glitter I'd used. 

I think you can see my dilemma. The snowmen look gorgeous with this glitter! But I'm hesitant to give one as a gift to a friend or family member and have them inadvertently slice off a limb or puncture a carotid artery. 

I hate to say that this was my first and (at the behest of local Law Enforcement due to possible weapon’s violations) my last attempt at creating these cuties. 

But I HIGHLY recommend the tutorial and the glitter. 

Just not together, perhaps.

Ingredients:

DAS White Modeling Air-Dry Clay 

(This doesn't shrink and crack as much as Paper Clay, I've found. Easier to mold.)

Twinklets Diamond Dust

3" Styrofoam Balls

Acrylic Paint

Crafter's Pick Ultimate Glue

The Angel On My Shoulder...

...is apparently even more fashionably challenged than I am.

And yes...that statement includes that ill-fated year of 1984, when I wore lace that covered one eye, and had that mishap with a garter that left me with a mark I would lie about for the rest of my life. 

Okay, Okay. So maybe she's NOT as badly dressed as I thought she was, originally. I can't compare her to that time in my life when I thought it appropriate to pay homage to Madonna and A Flock of Seagulls...at the same time.

In fact, with that very Catholic looking lace veil, and the torn laces and ribbon, she....

Sigh.

She looks like she's paying homage to Madonna and A Flock of Seagulls. 

But at least the BELL is a new addition, people!

Let's move on. Because the LAST thing we all need is for any 80's song to get stuck in our heads. Like "Danger Zone" or the dreaded "Everything I Do" (or ANY Bryan Adams song, for that matter. I hope you all remember that it was this whiny Canadian that opened the door for the Justin Bieber's we have today. I hope you're happy with yourselves.)

This project was the result of my taking Deryn Mentock's "Angels on High"

class. She has a plethora of classes (including the Bezels class I've been BEGGING her to open!!) at her Something Sublime website.

I won't go into detail regarding how they're made, but a beginner will have no trouble with this class! And while you have a choice as to what kind of face your angel will have (or whether it will be Christmas, Halloween or any holiday in between) I chose to use these little porcelain doll heads (not expensive on etsy...ranges from 8-20 dollars.) because I want to give these as special heirloom gifts to my doll collector friends. 

   

      

As a side note, you see that 36/0 incised in her head? It's an unidentified Antique German Mark. I believe the number 36 is the mold number. Not sure what the 0 is for. If I've screwed any of this up, please correct me!!

Since the top of her head was missing, I gave her a little Boa action, stuck right inside. My having immediate access to something like a boa shouldn't be surprising...the Queen of Fashion Tragedy always has boas and sequins ready to go...not to mention lace. But NO garter elastic anywhere. I'm seriously PTSD when it comes to that. I go into histrionics at the sight of them, which makes me the worst wedding date ever. 

I jazzed up the back, mostly to conceal the fact I can't sew worth a darn (pun unintentional, but necessary. I can't cuss in the house anymore. That story coming soon enough) and I didn't like how the back of the wings looked, so I went to my trusty Stickles. My worst nightmare is Ranger deciding to do away with the Stickles line. Makes my garter scar hurt just to think about it.

Please check out Deryn's page. I've taken 3 classes...the salt shaker snowmen the Boho Bliss (will put my things that I made in an upcoming post!) and this one. You will NOT be disappointed. And ANY BEGINNER can take these classes! Just expect to practice (esp. Boho Bliss) in order to produce beautiful things.

It's good to be back, friends. A post on my absence is coming soon.

I hope both of my subscribers are looking forward to it! 

Ahhhh...Springtime. With Blissful ATC Swap

(Chipboard, Graphic 45with bird, some grass and clover  mounted with mounting tape 

for effect, Tim Holtz, Dresden frame covered in white Gilder's Paste

and rubbed to highlight a little of the gold.)

I was visiting a friend the other day, when she paused during our conversation, and gazed out the window with a rapturous look on her face.

"Look!" she said, in a excited whisper.

I did. And I understood exactly how she felt.

The birdfeeder was simply crawling with birds! A movement to my right almost caused me to laugh aloud. "Oh! I can't believe it! Here comes a squirrel!" 

She pursed her lips thoughtfully, then smiled. "It's okay for now, there's enough for everyone."

"Well," I said, "Maybe not enough for everyone, but a good start."

We grinned at each other. "I'll get phone and get pictures!"

"Great idea!" I said, "You do that, and I'll get the shot pellets and gun."

Shortly after, I was sitting in my car and wondering how birds had become so darned overrated.

(Inside of ATC sized paper mache' house covered with tissue paper and acrylic. Live twigs, mini birds, greenery and clay birds. Brass finding on top with clock. Moss adhered with tacky glue. Tim Holtz findings.)

Back in the day, we used to hunt those suckers and suck the marrow out of the tasty little bones.

Well, ok. Not songbirds. But squirrels, definitely. 

FINE. Fine. So my grandpa hunted squirrels. But I STILL had to eat squirrel and dumplins on occasion. 

Geez. You people are a pain. Ok, I ate it once. After they told me it was dark meat chicken and dumplins. Had I KNOWN I would be eating a member of the rodent family, I certainly wouldn't have come NEAR it, much less eat the nasty stuff.

Wow. That was a heck of a rant, wasn't it?

The point I was trying to get to (before you ill-mannered people managed to access my brain and gave me the power to foresee your disturbing need for ACCURACY-whatever happened to literary license, people??) was why in the world would anyone want birds and inevitably, squirrels, hanging out 24/7 at your home? You are, in essence, training them to hang out until meal times and show their gratitude by pooping on everything from your car, to your deck and even your kids!!

PAM (pre-adderall moment) I want to say that I would give anything to have my kids get poop-bombed by birds. That would be hilarious! Oh, the fabulous Facebook photos I would have! Not to mention that I would finally have material to justify the purchase of those Christmas picture cards to send to everyone! With cute captions like, after catching a kid slipping and falling on the bird poop slicked grass, the picture would read "I'm POOPED". Or how about a picture of all three covered in bird droppings and having a caption that reads "The POOP Posse!" How about a close up of the birds and the kids having a birthday party in the back and calling it "The Party POOPERS" Oh HAHAHAHAHAHA The possibilities are endless. The only thing keeping me from putting this incredible idea into motion is the fact those little poop-heads would refuse to leave the house and I'll be stuck with them for the rest of their lives. Is that worth a day, or three, of parental payback perfection??? 

Sigh. I know. I'm torn about it, too.

(END OF PAM)

But look...I'm not here to try to change anyone's mind. I mean, how could I? You people are crazy enough to WANT the little sh*t machines to hang out at your house 24/7! You even buy them food to keep the poop coming on a regular basis! I don't even know how to TALK to that kind of crazy! All I have to say is this: when you tire of the mess, you know who to call. 

And I'll even supply the shot.

Needless to say, I was on a clay binge for Blissful ATC swap's "Bird Brain" theme for March. I found so many little tutorials on youtube, that I drug my Sculpey out and went to town! What you see is one try on each before I baked them. That's how easy it was! Throw in so live twigs and some good texture and you've got a really good start on some bird themed ATC's!

It all started with eggs....

Piece 1 of 3 for Blended Backgrounds. Small shrine, painted with chalk paint, stamped and shaded. Gold, stenciled words on top. Picture coated with glossy accents for shine.

When the theme for February's Blissful ATC swap was posted (Blended Backgrounds) I had originally thought to make another Faberge Egg ATC, that I learned from the terrific tutorial HERE at Laura Carson's artfully musing blawg.

Piece 2 of 3. Stamped image in Archival Ink on paper backed cloth. Image colored heavily in Distress Ink and spritzed. 

I had originally planned to title this "Hopelessly Devoted to My Eggs". Personally, I thought this a wonderful title! Until my husband wandered into my craft...I mean my 'Art Studio' (don't laugh...I bought a SIGN that says it, hanging above the door) and started reading this over my shoulder.

"You like your eggs?" he said.

"I do," I said, trying to sound pleasant while mentally restraining myself from elbowing him in the gut to get him to move out of my personal-PERSONAL space.

"Do you still have eggs? I mean, at YOUR age?"

I counted to 50, all the while thanking the Lord that the loaded handguns were under lock in the upstairs safe and not still in my purse.

"Fabrege' eggs." I said, teeth clenched.

"Is that what they call them? I thought it was fallopian or something." he squinted his eyes, as if trying to have an intelligent conversation.

"You really need to go watch TV." I said.

"There's a commercial on Fox and Friends." he whined.

"There will be plenty of those to deal with. But I'm pretty sure that the little hottie that is Ainsley of Fox News and Friends is worth a few commercials. I'm pretty sure she doesn't like a quitter."

He fled.

Have we ever reached a consensus as to why, no matter where we are in the house or what we may be doing, our husbands periodically wander into our personal space and just stand there without a word until we snap "What do you want??" Then, with a wounded 'nothing' or 'what's wrong with you?' they shuffle out the door? It drives me MAD when my husband does that! What does he think I'm doing? Having some kind of spicy 'chat' with a handsome, wealthy Castillian Spanish hombre' who is just shy of 30 and has never been in love with anyone...until ME?

CRAP. Now, I'm going to have to write my mother yet another of my apologetic emails, and include an extra hundred punishment lines:

"My art blog is NOT the place to share my spicy fantasies. It is a crafting blog, not some questionable URL where 'Craft' involves scantily dressed people with whips. My blog is NOT the place to share my spicy fantasies. It is a crafting blog, not some...." I'll finish them later.

Point is, I'm crafting. Or shopping.

PAM: (pre-adderall moment) For the record, my husband would be fine with my saucy repartee' with Don Carlos, as long as it curtailed my shopping. Seriously. I've got some real problems with this. I noticed it the other day, when I counted 4 pieces of relatively large mechanical things that you're supposed to plug in a wall and turn on. I don't know what they are, and I'm afraid of plugging anything in unless I know it won't jump off a table and run around, chewing up art supplies and children's toes (not to mention MINE) on its rampage. So there they sit until they can be identified. It's pretty bad, people.

But back to the original question: What is it that drives our men to circle us as if caught in some gravitational pull they can't break free of? Your responses and advice would be greatly appreciated and you'd probably better take a moment and help a sister out.

Otherwise, I'll be calling YOU for bail money. 

Piece 3 of 3. Masonite shrine, painted red and antiqued using black stain. ATC design card glued to front. Chipboard platform rests on wood dowels painted red and covered in stickers. Stamp of dragon done in VersaMark and heat embossed with gold glitter embossing powder. Paper used is Graphic 45.

Snow Men, Scotland and Summer in December

Well, Christmas is over.

Apparently here in Burlington, NC, so is winter.

I went to bed last night, snuggled under my favorite down comforter, dressed in my best (Wal-Mart) quasi-faux-velvet-een-ish sleep pants, and a light, long-sleeved cotton shirt. 

Around 3am, I woke with my pillow soaked with sweat, the comforter on the floor, and my pants twisted around my knees, forcing my body to contort until my face was (still sweating) on my husband's back and my feet resting on the nightstand. 

My husband woke with a groan. "Good Lord...what are you doing?"

I tried to rearrange myself, with little luck. 

"Question." I said, quickly trying to figure out which leg connected to which hip, in order to untangle and right myself in a way which would spare the lamp and my iPad. "Did you try to take my pants off at any time during the night?"

My husband paled and he resembled a deer in headlights. "NO!" he said, horrified. "We're married! I would never do that to you!"

Needless to say, this didn't really help the situation.

So, three days after Christmas, I had my A/C on 70 while curled up under a cotton sheet with sleep shorts and a tank top-neither of which no living in this hemisphere had any interest in trying to remove from my sleeping body.

Once again, I digress.

When I lived in Florida, it was always around 80 at Christmas. The difference is that it's SUPPOSED to be that temperature. 

In NC, on the other hand, we should have a dusting of snow on the trees. At least a sixteenth of an inch so that schools-and the town-would shut down, leaving us to enjoy being 'snowed in'. 

But this was not to be. 

Instead, there I was, having the mother of all hot flashes, sans hormones.

But avec pants.

Sigh.

For Christmas, I decided to make these little snowman ornaments. I'd taken a wonderful online class with Deryn Mentock of Something Sublime called The Merry Men of Winter. Using sterling silver vintage salt and pepper shakers, I glued swarovski crystal chains and broken pieces from old jewelry, I made hanging ornaments, shelf ornaments and, my fave, glass ball ornaments. 

I made the heads from Sculpey and the base of the glass ornament is paperclay that I spread glue on and glittered, then pressed into the bottom. I arranged my elements, then removed them to let the paperclay dry. They were truly adorable. It ALMOST made up for my having to order the &%^$% things from CHINA. That's right...after searching high and low for DAYS, I ended up having to order from China. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Now, I know you are waiting with bated breath for my 'Scotland' tie-in and you KNOW I never disappoint! 

BAM!

Wait...ok...maybe I assumed that most every woman in the world has read Outlander. If you haven't, then get the book. Read 50 pages. The put it down if you don't like it. 

Good luck with that.

My Aunt Sharon actually told me the same thing when she told ME to read it. As you can see, I never put the book down. 

Sassenach is the Scottish word for "English" or "Outlander". So, I made sure my Aunt knew this was her ornament, and only hers.

Thanks for stopping by...I know I've been remiss in my posting, but living life in daylight savings time in a thousand degree heatwave is truly taking its toll on me. Not to mention taking the same toll on my sleeping pants, instead of my husband. 

More's the pity. 😁

TAH-DAH!!!!

Ok. I'm not writing that much during this post. Mostly because the hundreds of picture are going to put you to sleep before it's all over. 

I have a habit of doing that to people. 

Anyway, I want to present you with what I've been working on for two months. TWO MONTHS. Why? Because that's what happens when you have carpal tunnel release on both hands and then decide the logical thing to do is make a miniature conservatory for your mother's birthday.

Most of these supplies came from alphastamps Several months ago, I saw an incredible piece from Laura Carson at artfullymusing. She'd created this UNBELIEVABLE Conservatory and the next thing I knew, I was ordering like a madwoman and perusing the internet, trying to learn how to create miniature flowers.

 The floor is actual wood, which I darkened using Tim Holtz Vintage Photo ink. I cut strips of the same paper and darkened it even more to serve as a an inlay around the outside of the room. The 'inset' is a graphic image that I resized and printed. In retrospect,  I SHOULD have cut a hole and actually made it an inset, but I'll try next time. The blue and red flowers I handmade from various tutorials. I ordered the curtains from Maggie Melinda Janet is an absolute goddess and made these  beautiful drapes for the ridiculous amount of 35.00. And that included shipping. 

I think the white lilies and carnations turned out well. The table is from alphastamps, along with various other planters. I painted it turquoise and distressed it with dark wax. Many of the pots and planters feature VerDay paint patinas  I used it for the copper root, the rusted pineapple at the top and the bronze doors. Just paint, let dry and paint again. While still wet, spray the reactor. When patina is complete, use a paper towel to rub some of the patina away, if you like. I LOVE this stuff!

The chair is from alphastamps, as is the table beside it. I made the geraniums and miniature book in the chair. The pillow was compliments of Miss. Janet at Maggie Melinda.

The light is my favorite, mostly because I figured out how to make it a magnetic feature which you can reach in, pluck out, turn on and off, then just stick it back up. This shot was one before I fixed the kink in it, so please try to admire the ceiling medallions and ignore the kink.\

 I made the little topiary with toothpicks and this green stuff I got at a train store. I made this and all the green moss that covers most of the house and STILL have 3/4 left. Scary.

The stone work is from Bromley Craft Products in England. Not only is the mason work incredibly easy, you can order this mix you mix with water and I can tell you that it truly is a must-have for anyone wanting to do authentic miniature mason work.

NOW you see why it took FOREVER to get this done. But I'm grateful I could draw on the experience of other crafters and had use of products that made this job easy enough that I COULD finish it! Thanks for hanging in there! 

Tim's Tags October 2016 ROCKY HORROR LIVES!

I LOVE Rocky Horror Picture Show!! 

Tim Curry was awesome! And the theatre actors! And all the movie cues that we played with in the theatre!!

I tried to explain the cultural significance to my 3 boys, tonight before dinner. They'd come in under the pretense of admirning my latest creation, but it was really because I was delaying dinner.

"So, let me see if I'm understanding this." my oldest said. "When it rained in the movie, everyone squirted each other with a squirt gun. And when the marriage scene was played, everyone threw rice."

"Yes!! Yes!! That's it!" I said.

"That's a real mess to leave for the people who clean up." my middle son chimed in.

"I want to wear clothes like Dr. Frank-N-Furter." my 10-year-old, autistic kid yelled as he bolted from the room to find my high-heeled shoes he'd suddenly taken a liking to.

I sighed. "You don't understand. It was so cool! We all came together and were happy when we went to Rocky Horror. The people who were acting the move out under the screen..."

"Wait." My oldest said. "They were acting the movie out as it was playing? Are you kidding me? You think that's cool but you bless us out if we even LOOK at our cell phones BEFORE the previews, even!" 

"This is different." I said, stammering just a bit. "This is...oh, just forget it. I'm going to do the Time Warp before dinner. All of us. It's easy! You'll love it! Just follow...." 

I turned around to find my audience had disappeared, leaving only the faintest trace of ozone behind.

The problem is, you CAN'T explain Rocky Horror to anyone. They have to have the actual experience of simply having fun with a squirt gun, rice, other food items and-my favorite-yelling the requisite words every time the names "Brad" and "Janet" were said.

And no. I can't repeat them here.

ANYWAY, the moment I saw Tim's Tag for October, I KNEW old Frankenstien would need a little Tim Currty treatmentl. Using pink archival ink and eye and lip treatments, along with some beautiful earring bling made from Tim's clips and charms, set me on my way. 

We used a crackle treatment on the paper, and used distress crayons to color and accent the surface. I attached good ol' Frank-N-Furter and cut out the letters to spell out "Time Warp" at the bottom, which I coated with glossy accents. I used black flocking for his hair and attached a chain for hanging at the top.

Needless to say, we DID get to dinner, sooner than later. Granted, there was some serious bargaining over the odd crescent roll (I won, this time, thanks to my threat of performing "Time Warp" during dinner) but, at the end of it all, my kids had turned their noses up for the umpteenth time, over something that was so COOL when I was young! 

But that's ok. They can think what they want. Because I had a late lunch and I'm not terribly hungry. Let's see how much fun they'll make of me in an hour or so, when they're ready to gnaw their own arms off from hunger. I bet Rocky Horror will be the best thing that ever happened to them..