Monday, December 16, 2013
The Truth About The Dangers of Glampers and Glamping Without Protection
You know the drill, people....tech talk first.
Inspiration Challenge #41 Mark's Finest Papers MFP Speedy TV
My photo choice
We've come too far for me to start lying to you now. I never judge people.
At least, to their faces.
I believe we all have an inalienable right to live as we please, as long as my tax dollars don't have to pay for your life choices. Your life and what you do in the privacy of your own home should stay private. Don't bring it into the schools, the workplace or force it into any shared space and then we can all live somewhat happily together, don't you agree?
But there are people who feel their life's work is to inculcate the rest of us with their somewhat...oh H*ll...let's just come out and say it...their smut.
This latest trend of late, Glamping in Glampers, is yet another failure on the decent folk of this great nation. It will come as no surprise to you that this trend originated less than a decade ago in what many know as the "Devil's Playground"
Also known as California.
How are the rest of us supposed to protect our children when your bad behavior is forcing us to pass you on the highway because you can't drive over 40 mph without losing control? Don't you think it's socially irresponsible to flaunt your obviously unprotected Glamping? You are endangering our youth by instilling the belief they can actually camp in one of these things and be safe! All it would take is a Raccoon-forget that-something even LESS intelligent and adept-all it would take is a Blue Dog Democrat with a pocket knife and a belief you may be willing to sign an absentee ballot and you're TOAST!
How about proving that all you care about is 'looks', with no thought to what's REALLY on the inside? Because the only thing that's inside is just enough space to hurdle an accusation at one's spouse that the two burner stove's mini-propane tank is missing and how is one supposed to cook whatever one skillet unpronounceable French dish- that mostly tastes of garlic with a hint of despair-but since you have wine (in fact, you bought a case which you panicked about making fit but figured out there WAS an extra bit of storage if you left the mini propane tank at home)...there may be a chance you can save this trip that's beginning to spiral down the drain of a toilet you wish you had.
Sidebar: YOU SIMPLY CANNOT COOK ANYTHING OF SUBSTANCE IN SOMETHING THE SIZE OF A HALF-BATH WITH A MINI-PROPANE TANK!
So, you continue to argue as you drive and desperately look for propane signs and ANY place where there's someone who might recognize the words 'Coq au Vin' as French and not some fancy-schmancy California insult and punch you right through one side of your Glamper and out the other, and you made stupid mistakes like missing the freshly killed deer on the side of the road...Good Lord!...don't just drive by it! It's fresh meat! There's a good 80% of that doe that's completely edible! And if you insist on turning up your nose at it, at least be thankful to the full-sized RV that left it for you in the first place!!
So, you return to your Glamper and get hammered and, in the true spirit of the outdoors, you may paw at each other a bit (only with your right hands...your left ones are trapped between the table and the 2 inch piece of padding you call the 'mattress') then finally give up trying to do anything. Now, you're drunk AND you're stuck and all that you have for protection is a quarter-inch piece of tin.
Now do you understand WHY we want to protect our children from the erroneous belief that Glampers are okay to try...at least once. Because that one time may be the last.
And the next thing you'll know, they'll come sauntering in and saying things like "You know, the Gremlin wasn't THAT bad of a car", or turn down venison tenderloin for a clove of garlic and 14 bottles of Chablis.
While I may not be able to control my kid in toto, or his life choices, I will tell you this: If he shows up towing a Glamper and waving an absentee ballot...well, we'll see how compact a Glamper can be when it's shoved up your A**.